Tomorrow is my appointment with the genetic doctor. I don't know if I'm more afraid of getting a diagnosis or having another doctor tell me that they can't suss out what is wrong with me. I'm thinking it's the latter of the two. Then again, if I get a diagnosis that does not mean that they will have a "fix" for what is wrong with me. It's all very much twisting my brain into a pretzel.
I admit at this point in my life I am completely and utterly sick of doctors. After my experiences with some of them you begin to wonder if they actually know what they are doing. Yes, I've been lucky with a few, my hand surgeon for example was brilliant. However it did take me three years and seven doctors to find him. In the course of that adventure, one *supposed* top hand surgeon saw me a year or so into the hunt and said that there was nothing wrong with me and the next time my hand hurt to call him to complain and not my mother. You have to love that bedside manner! I was young at the time and completely devastated by that. The git had me thinking that it was all in my head and to be honest, after all the wacky things I've had wrong, you do start to wonder if it is all "in your head".
So that leaves tomorrow, and the fear of another doctor saying "we don't know what's wrong with you" and then the self doubt of thinking that perhaps it really is "just in my head". Yes I know not all of it is, but if you had the list in front of you that I've just written up for the doctor of all of my pains and symptoms and issues, it's hard to believe it's just one person with all of these complaints.
On an aside, I've been flipping out about the crutches situation. When I tried the forearm crutches at PT last week, they did not feel that great. Since then I have been debating whether to get the millennium crutches that I have read about on the different boards. I finally decided to just go ahead and order them because I've heard such good things and at this point, I have to make a decision one way or another. Hopefully it's the right one for my hands as well as my hips.
