At least that's what I've been noticing more and more. When I have a flare-up, it's like the rational and "normal" part of my brain disappears and I become a pathetic, depressed, needy person that is so not me regularly. I don't know what to do anymore so that it doesn't happen. It just seems when I'm physically weakened, like I have been this week, I lose all self-confidence and respect and just go off the deep-end.
I am sure I'm not the only one that has these issues, unfortunately there are plenty of people with chronic conditions. I just wish that I could find a way so that my physical deterioration wouldn't affect my mental so much. But just another thing I have to learn to live with, and control.
As Nadum Ish Gamzu said: "Gam zu l'tovah" - "This is also for the good".
I don't claim to understand how, but in Hashem's infinite wisdom there is a reason for me to have to learn this. I will endeavor to be open and do my best.
On another note, yesterday I had the most amazing massage! S did it and he really worked my whole back, which is so tight now that I've added arm exercises in the pool. Wish I was going again today as I'm tight again after last night when I went to the pool. I had it mostly to myself, which is the best, so relaxing and a great place to meditate. I did quite a bit as I was feeling better, but then last night it started to rain again and now I feel crap all over again. It's my cycle to live with. So glad it's Friday and that I have plans to spend this weekend with a good friend. Just what the doctor ordered! Well, at least what I ordered! :-)
I finally heard back from the PT and they said that Oxford did receive the appeal, and it would be good if I rang, so I just did so. They received it on the 18th and said it's still in review, and that is a good thing (touch wood it is). I really need some more PT for my leg, at the very least for a bit to see if it's actually strengthened and to see if/what I can add to my routine. So fingers crossed!
