I must be really sweet...

because the bugs seem to love me. I woke up this morning to 9 new bites! This is what my left leg looks like so far. I am really hoping that they don't get bad like the ones a few weeks ago. I can't deal with that again. It's strange because this doesn't usually happen more than once a spring/summer. I guess I am not allowed to sit outside ever again. :-(


Other than that, my bum is killing me, and I'm just trying to get through the day with a currently grouchy boss. TGIF!!! I need a rest!

mixed

It's been a mixed day - I booked some great theatre and concert tickets, which I am v. excited about. I'm such a theatre addict, most of my money goes that way. The other is diverted to books, books and more books. I suppose we all have our obsessions. I'm reading a great book about Elizabeth Wydeville now, that sets a lot of the propaganda against her straight. Almost finished so have to decided what will be next. Also hoping that the weather is good for the concert in the park on the 15th. I hated having to miss it this past Tuesday, so fingers crossed the weather is just as nice!!! (Please, please, please!)

The downside is my bum is killing me. All this sitting! My one boss is out of town and the other took a v. long lunch, so I went into one of the offices and just laid on my stomach reading for an half hour or so. It felt so good to take a break. Besides dealing with a cranky person here at the moment, the other thing getting to me is when people can't just say what they mean and be direct? Is it truly necessary to play games? That has to be one of my top pet peeves. If you are done, say so! Argh!

Now that I've vented, I'm much better.

Off in half an hour. Going home to soak and then out for drinks with my friend :-)

Missing the everyday

I made it to work today! Even though I was an hour and a half late, I still made it, and that is what counts. I don't think I could have taken another day sitting at my flat, no matter how much pain I'm in. I've cut out the pain tablets as I'm so done with feeling wonky and dizzy and sick to my stomach. I'm just on Tylenol now. It helps, but I still feel pretty weak. I took the bus and subway this morning. I had to wait for a bit, and there was a taxi in front of the stop, and for one second I thought I'd take it, but then I came to my senses and realised what a nightmare that would be, with all the bumps and potholes! I had left a pillow at work from the last surgery and glad I did. My bum definitely needs it. My bosses have been v. understanding, I'm v. lucky with that.

So, here I sit, at the office, still feeling like crap but really wanting to get back to my regular life. (But I do miss all of my mother's yummy home cooking!). I hate boredom and being cooped up, so time to make some plans! Well, not bike riding or anything, but something to get me out and about.

(Again, just want to say how amazing my family and friends are. Even when they are busy packing and then about to hop on a plane to S.A. find time to check in, or so busy with their three kids and birthday parties, ring me to say hi, and those that just have v. busy single lives and still find time to check in regularly. I hope you all know how much I appreciate you! It does mean the world to me, and I just want to say thank you!)

Good news are my bug bites are all gone and no more itching!!! (I probably just jinxed myself).
Bad news is that we've been through about 3 or 4 fishes in the last week. Martin died over a week ago, I got a replacement, and in two days he was gone, so brought him back to the shop, and they gave me a new one. That happened two more times over the last 5 days. I went in yesterday to tell them the latest had that cotton-like fuzz on it and they then mentioned something about air conditioning, and if it had been on. Seems that Bettas are v. sensitive to water temp and even if they're not near the a/c, it can cool the water, then bacteria or fungus grows, and then they're a goner. Wish someone had said something sooner. It does make sense though because Martin had been doing fine until the air was turned on. I think I will wait until the fall to get a new one! I can't take anymore dead fish!

boredom and general icky-ness

Yesterday was quite a day. I had brecky with my parents, then passed out on the couch for an hour or so. I had taken a pain pill when I ate and I guess it hit me pretty hard. It's definitely true that these things build up in your system, because the more I took, the quicker the effect was. When I woke up I took a shower and my mother wanted me to try to walk outside. We went pretty close, just to the food store, but I felt really queasy and dizzy and was wiped out by they time we returned. I ate again because we thought that might help, and then I fell asleep for a few hours. In the interim they had left. I was woken up around 19.30 by the phone and thought that I should eat something. I tried to look at some menus online but still felt ill, so just had a little cantaloupe that was cut up. I tried to sit in the other room for a while but just felt horrid so came back to bed and eventually fell asleep, on and off, for the night. I am glad that I didn't go to work today because I would have been a wreck.

This morning I still felt horrible, even though it had been about 24 hours since I had taken a pain pill! I decided last night that no matter how much pain I was in I was just going to take Tylenol because I hated the haze I was in. After I took a shower this morning and still felt ill, I thought some fresh air might help, so went across the street to Starbucks, where they have outdoor seats (I brought my own cushion - and it was still pretty painful). I was out there for an hour or so and it seemed to help a little. Then it started raining - just my luck. So I came home, ordered some lunch, and made myself eat. Since then just been vegging on the couch, trying to sit on my bum, and feel less sick. I think some of the meds are finally leaving my body. I truly hate feeling like this, like I've no control over my body.

I have to say this is a pretty horrible recovery and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I can't begin to describe the pain. I have decided I am going to go to work tomorrow and am hoping to make it through the day, with just Tylenol - at least that's the goal. I am beyond bored. It's dull just sitting around with no company, so at least there I will (hopefully) have things to do. I am really bummed (no pun intended) that I will be missing the concert in the park tonight - it's perfect weather! Oh well. C'est la vie.

Pain, drugs, boredom and lack of sleep

Make me pretty loopy. I have been going between Demerol and Ultracet, and there doesn't seem to be much difference between the two.

Thankfully the surgery went well, and the procedure was the "easiest" version that the doctor had outlined. It was pretty quick, only about half an hour. I woke up screaming my head off though. The pain was completely unbearable. The last thing I remember was laying down on the table and the anesthesiologist putting drugs in my IV, and then I woke up in agony. Agony is an understatement. The amount of pain I had was completely indescribable. This was the third worst amount of pain I've had. (It's crazy that I have a running list: the first was waking up from hip surgery in September; the second was when they were doing the surgery on the abscess - both times since the damn resident buggered it up the first time - and didn't put me under). When I woke up and was hysterical they asked if I wanted my mother to come in, and she did. She's amazing, I don't know how she stayed so calm and level-headed when I was losing it completely. Thankfully after what seemed like much begging and pleading and pleading and begging they gave me a shot of Demerol. After a few minutes that finally kicked in, and though the pain was still bad at least my mind didn't seem to care much anymore.

They let me stay there for about half an hour and then pretty much kicked me out, telling me I'd be more comfortable at home. I just wanted more shots of Demerol but they wouldn't give me that. The doctor did give me a script for some Demerol tabs though. I don't remember much about Friday, but what I do was a nightmare. When I first got home I passed out on my bed from the sheer exhaustion of being in that much pain + the pain killers. When I woke up I had to go to the bathroom, and was pretty nervous. I was able to pee but I also saw all this blood on the gauze and it freaked me out as it was bright red. This was the first time I actually realised how they literally taped up my behind with gauze. I was nervous about the blood so my mother said I should call the doctors office. They were not very helpful and just kept repeating that I only needed to call if the pain was very bad (I wonder what they consider v. bad since I was in agony???), if I was bleeding more than normal (again - how was I meant to know what "normal" was for this) and if I couldn't pee. I also asked, as my stomach seemed to be getting a little upset, what I should do if I felt I had to have a bm. The guy said to just take off the gauze and tape and go. Ok, so long as he said it was fine.

My mother wanted me to eat something because I hadn't all day, so I went in to the kitchen to see if I could and all of a sudden my bum decided it was incontinent and let loose. This was pretty gross as I still had that taped gauze all over. What a mess, to say the least. I was pretty upset, not just about the mess, but since incontinence is something that can happen with this surgery. I was so glad my father was out when this happened. I thought all was well, washed up and did a sitz bath and got changed. All for naught it seemed as it happened again. I couldn't believe it. It was probably a good thing I was high on painkillers as otherwise I'd have been freaking out completely. Finally my insides decided to give it a rest and I was able to get sorted out and back in bed. Such fun stuff I tell you! After that I don't remember much. My mother made dinner and I had to go to the table to eat. This required lots of pillows under me. I don't know how I made it through, but went straight back to bed afterwards. Unfortunately I didn't sleep very well and was up all night from the pain. (the last two paragraphs were written later but I wanted to add them so that anyone who goes through this might know what to expect)

Yesterday was a little better than today. I finally slept a little last night but this morning was in agony, probably because I hadn't taken a pain tablet since last night. I'm still pretty out of it from the drugs now, so this might not even make sense.

People don't realise that even if you're loopy and in pain you can be bored out of your mind! Thankfully my mother had been a great sport playing monopoly and scrabble with me to keep my mind occupied. There is only so much bad telly you can watch. I would also like to that my friends for their support before and after, it means so much to me to have that. It seems a little thing perhaps, but when you're going in for surgery it's nice to get that and afterwards it is great to have people call. I guess if you've never been through this stuff you don't realise the importance of what a little phone call can do.

Hopefully I will be going back to work on Tuesday, but I will see how I am tomorrow. Sitting is still incredibly difficult at the moment - I'm not sitting now, just kneeling on the floor.

Ok, room is starting to spin again so going to go lay down.