Being a Virgo I live for planning. Only problem is, how can you "plan" what is going to occur when you have surgery. Planning is like a panacea to me, it keeps me calm, makes me feel I have some control over things. But realistically, you cannot have control over some things in life, and this is where my anxiety begins.
After speaking to Dr. Kelly's PA and getting all of the information I need I thought I would feel a bit better. I'd be able to start making those lists, ordering what I need, planning where and when I would stay post op, sort out work, all that fun stuff. It seems I was wrong. I can sort out some of the things, but the truth is, I don't know how I will feel after, I don't know if I'll be up for a car ride to the island a couple days after or not, so I am having to let that all go. Which is very difficult for me. I kept my poor mum on the phone last night going on and on about everything that I can't control. Bless her for her patience, I hope she can keep it as I can only imagine I'm going to get worse in the weeks ahead. Perhaps I should buy pressies for everyone that will have to deal with me to butter them up! :-)
I guess I will try to sort out what I can and just try to let the rest happen as it will. But I will admit this, I'm scared. After having 4 hand surgeries, I know what pain is, and I'm thinking it may be worse to know what I'm getting into. Then again, I really have no choice, so must make the best of it.
Sorry it to ramble it just seems to help to get it written down as I think about it all. I just have to remember - one step at a time.
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