if it's not one thing...

well, it's actually many. I've changed the quote.

Saturday I was feeling okay, weather was a bit hit or miss, and I took it easy. I had decided I would go to the pool on Sunday as it seems slightly less insane than on Saturdays. I also had plans to go out with some friends to Uncle Nicks - a must - for the flaming cheese! It was great! We ordered a bunch of starters and some wine and watched lots of flaming cheese! After we went next door to a bar that makes pretty damn strong drinks. This is a dangerous thing, but a fun one too! I'll just leave it at that. It was a great distraction from my pain though, as I barely knew what was bothering me! Gotta love that!

Sunday I went to the pool and had a good workout, pushed it a bit. After some lunch I went to sit in Central Park for a while, it was so beautiful out. My favourite weather, not too hot, not too cool - just right! I was feeling pretty good but still took the bus from my flat to the park, but I did end up walking home. I've been a bit sore since (yes even remembering to take my Mobic) so think I might have overdone it a bit. But still, I feel like I have to make some progress and not just do the same things all the time.

Monday was a pretty good day, weather lovely and I was even able to stand for a bit when I met my friend Stan out for drinks. I was still v. happy when the girl next to me finally left so I could nick her bar stool. :-) Yesterday did the pool again and hips were definitely not happy after, so I made sure to ice them both when I got home. I have to say that my back is still tight and my neck feels like there's a pinched nerve in there. I am thinking it's related to the arm exercises I've been doing in the pool. Tomorrow at my massage/chiro I will ask him to address that area.

Don't even get me started on my hand/wrist. It was hurting so much last night I put a lido patch on under my splint. Thankfully that worked so I didn't have the pain all night, but now it's back to hurting, plus I'm having shooting pains up and down the arm. Such fun. Have I mentioned how much I DO NOT want to have another hand surgery?

Anyway, for the most part, I've been good. I've slept well the last two nights (with assistance) but who cares, it feels great to sleep through the night! And I am off on holiday in two weeks so all is good!

chronic pain = temporary insanity

At least that's what I've been noticing more and more. When I have a flare-up, it's like the rational and "normal" part of my brain disappears and I become a pathetic, depressed, needy person that is so not me regularly. I don't know what to do anymore so that it doesn't happen. It just seems when I'm physically weakened, like I have been this week, I lose all self-confidence and respect and just go off the deep-end.

I am sure I'm not the only one that has these issues, unfortunately there are plenty of people with chronic conditions. I just wish that I could find a way so that my physical deterioration wouldn't affect my mental so much. But just another thing I have to learn to live with, and control.

As Nadum Ish Gamzu said: "Gam zu l'tovah" - "This is also for the good".
I don't claim to understand how, but in Hashem's infinite wisdom there is a reason for me to have to learn this. I will endeavor to be open and do my best.

On another note, yesterday I had the most amazing massage! S did it and he really worked my whole back, which is so tight now that I've added arm exercises in the pool. Wish I was going again today as I'm tight again after last night when I went to the pool. I had it mostly to myself, which is the best, so relaxing and a great place to meditate. I did quite a bit as I was feeling better, but then last night it started to rain again and now I feel crap all over again. It's my cycle to live with. So glad it's Friday and that I have plans to spend this weekend with a good friend. Just what the doctor ordered! Well, at least what I ordered! :-)

I finally heard back from the PT and they said that Oxford did receive the appeal, and it would be good if I rang, so I just did so. They received it on the 18th and said it's still in review, and that is a good thing (touch wood it is). I really need some more PT for my leg, at the very least for a bit to see if it's actually strengthened and to see if/what I can add to my routine. So fingers crossed!

getting better every day

Well, for now that is. Monday was bad, but Tuesday was a nightmare. I barely slept, and then could barely move in the morning when I was meant to get up. I had to take a sick day and even order food in. I hate days like that. Jumping out of a window was looking better every moment. Between my lack of sleep and the weather it was the worst I've felt in a v. long time.

It's funny, my friend Jodi said on Sunday when we were out that I'm like the energizer bunny - I just keep going. I certainly don't think of myself that way, and definitely don't feel like it this week. Still, I guess I am happy that it seems like that to others. I'm not a particular fan of whinging.

Yesterday morning I was up v. early as I still was having trouble sleeping, so I went to the PT pool before work. That was a great thing and I was sorry I had to leave it and go to the office. The water is over 90' and just feels so good. By yesterday afternoon I started to feel somewhat human again. I did a little walking for errands after work but there was no way I'd have made it all the way home, so hopped on a bus at 60th Street. My right hip is still a bit wonky this week.

Today I had my massage and that was wonderful. I wish I could have that every day. I am going to the pool after work, the nice, hot pool. Looking forward to that. And then meeting up for a bevvy afterwards. I am really hoping those weather people are wrong with there upcoming forecast as I'm just starting to feel okay again.

The only thing I heard back from the PT people were that they were going to follow up, but still haven't heard a thing back. Will bug them again now methinks.

Post - weekend update

Today I feel horrid. The weather is horrid. Today is the first day in a while that I am slightly gimpy with the right hip. I shouldn't really be complaining though. I didn't sleep last night, and I also realised that I had forgotten to take the Mobic on Saturday and Sunday. Oops. Friday night I was out, and didn't get to sleep till late, and same as Saturday. Why is it no matter how exhausted I am I just can't sleep? Drives me nuts.

I walked quite a bit on Saturday, trying to see how I would do. I thought I did pretty well for the amount of walking I did. I pushed myself at the pool yesterday. Have been trying to walk faster and also added arm exercises. My back and shoulders are so sore today. I don't mind being a bit sore, just wish my whole body didn't ache so much today. Sadly I don't think there is one part of me that doesn't hurt. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

I had totally forgotten I had an appointment with the rheumatologist today. Thankfully I looked in my calendar and saw it. I hope she doesn't get mad that I am still only taking one Mobic per day. I just don't see the reason to take two as one is destroying my stomach, and I've been taking two acid-reflux pills a day to try to help. I also hope she doesn't examine me physically, because if someone touched me right now I might have to kill them. Ok, maybe not kill - permanently maim perhaps?

I am going to the NYPL tonight for another function. A friend invited me to some readings that are to be done by Ethan Hawke and others. I'm not a huge EH fan, but he was decent in "The Coast of Utopia" last year. Should be good though I hope I'm feeling better before that. Perhaps I can get a nap squeezed in somehow.

My right hand/wrist is a mess - even with wearing this bloody splint every night. I am dreading the thought of surgery - I know I've probably said this before - but will put it off as long as possible. I'm so over the medical profession.

I sent an email to the PT people today to see if they a) did ever get the letter off, b) if the insurance co actually received it this time and c) if there was anything else they suggest doing in the pool. Hopefully I will hear back with some (touch wood) good news.

Working it

I went to the pool yesterday and had it all to myself! So nice. I did a longer than normal workout, which I think is easier because this pool is heated to a nice temperature. Warm water is definitely better for my body with all of it's "issues". I also incorporated some arm exercises as well, and I am sure feeling that today - especially my under arms and shoulder area. I will try to keep it up though as I definitely need to start working them as well. I've added more reps to my leg lifts and a little bit longer to each of the walking directions. I haven't done the leg press or the bike again this week, bad me! I will try next week, things were a bit hectic again.

I did ice my hips when I got home last night, but that didn't seem to matter to the left. It was okay initially but later on started to hurt a lot again. Just when you are thinking it's better because you're not compensating as much with it - bam! Oh well. What can you do? I will have to just be careful but keep up the exercise with it as well, as I have been doing.

Hand/wrist also has not been happy the last few days. I'm dreading the surgery so will pretend it is fine for now.

Will be going to the pool this weekend, working on my website and tonight taking it easy as I have a date :-) Enjoy your weekend! I'm hoping the weather people have got the forecast all wrong!