It's just like Lynette (DH) said...

"because I've had a rough few months...I don't understand, and I need to".

So true. But at the same time, one has to give up the idea and realise there isn't always an answer.

Meanwhile...I walked home again today and no pain!!! At least so far!

And I booked my holiday. It's so needed and I'm so excited. I have realised that whilst I don't have certain things that I would like in my life, I have a lot, and for that I am very grateful.

"Faith is a belief in something that cannot be proven. We all want to believe in those that we are closest to. But where there is doubt, our faith begins to vanish and fear rushes in to take its place."

Truer words could not be spoken.

But being as though I am constantly working to be a better and more understanding and forgiving person, and accept that all things happen for a reason, which may not be explained or understood now, I take this prayer to heart and repeat it:

"Master of the Universe, I hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or who sinned against me; whether against my body, my property, my honour or against anything of mine; whether he/she did so accidentally, willfully, carelessly or purposely...may no one be punished because of me. May it be Your will my G-d and the G-d of my forefathers that I never again anger you, that I shall not do what is evil in your eyes. Whatever sins I have done before You, may You blot out in Your abundant mercies".

Amen

I have kept that prayer next to my bedside for many years, and occasionally forget to read it. It has a great affect on me though when I do.

So that's about it for me now. I've ordered all my food which will be delivered tomorrow, and even though I'm making Seder on Saturday, chose to meet a friend out on Friday, because really, friends and family are the most important things, and how often do you really get to spend time with those you care about.

I wish you all a happy Pesach.

Pesach

Pesach, or Passover, is a major holiday in Jewish tradition, and is one of the three pilgrimage holidays, along with Sukkot and Shavuot. These are the holidays on which the whole Jewish people would come to Jerusalem in ancient times, when the Holy Temple was there, and would offer animal and grain sacrifices. Since the destruction of the Temple, a few of the holiday traditions have been retained, without the pilgrimage and the sacrifices, and many new traditions have been added. Pesach, which starts on the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Nisan (usually in April), lasts for seven days and is celebrated to commemorate the exodus from Egypt - one of the main stories in the history of the Jewish people and in western culture in general. According to the Torah, the Israelites lived in Egypt, and were enslaved by the Egyptians. Moshe (Moses), an Israelite who grew up in the palace of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, became a leader of the Israelites and asked Pharaoh to allow them to return to the Land of Israel. When Pharaoh refused, Moshe led a campaign that culminated in his people’s hurried departure from Egypt, toward the Sinai desert, where they lived for 40 years. According to Jewish tradition, during this long journey in the desert, led by Moshe and his brother Aharon, the Israelites became a united people as they prepared to conquer the Land of Israel. Pesach is also called the holiday of Freedom, and this aspect of the holiday is emphasized in the rituals and prayers: the exodus from slavery to freedom symbolizes physical and spiritual redemption and man’s aspiration to be free. Another important element of this holiday is family togetherness. On the eve of the holiday, called Seder night, due to the ceremonial Seder meal that is celebrated that evening, whole extended families gather around one table. It is also an important Jewish precept to invite others who have no family with whom to celebrate the holiday. Another name for Pesach is the holiday of Unleavened Bread. The story of the exodus from Egypt relates that the Israelites left Egypt hurriedly and the dough they had prepared had no time to rise, so they baked it into matzah, unleavened bread. One of the important precepts of this holiday is the abstinence from eating leaven - any baked goods prepared with flour and allowed to rise, or prepared foods containing flour. Instead of bread, Jews eat matzah. Religious (and traditional) Jews observe this aspect of the holiday meticulously. One more name for Pesach is the holiday of Spring, marking the season in which Pesach is celebrated. The first day of the holiday, as well as the last day (which is known as the “second holiday”) are holy rest days, on which all productive work is forbidden. The intermediate days are called Chol ha-Mo’ed, and are part-holiday, part-regular days.