Dread

Well, the bites have plateaued. Not much better but at least not worse. Thankfully they're not too itchy though. I'm so glad it was cool this week because I've had to wear trousers to cover them up. Other than that I'm pretty stressed about tomorrows surgery. I think it is worse when you know how much pain you're going to be in. I am just praying it all goes well and is the simplest procedure of all (touch wood, poo poo, fingers crossed, etc.) I've been in so much pain the last couple of days that I don't even have the desire to put it off any longer.

My parents are coming in tonight so they can come tomorrow. I don't know what I'd do with my mother, she's just such a trooper when it comes to taking care of me after all of these lovely medical things. So now just have to get through sitting today (ouch!) and thankfully I have the chiro and massage at lunch.

May go to the pool after work but it depends on how I'm feeling. My tummy has been pretty wonky all week, I think from the stress. The hip has been holding up okay. I walked all the way home from work on Tuesday and it was pretty good. I can't believe it's taken this long to get there though - 9 months. And I still haven't heard back from my second appeal for PT from the state. I really hope I do get some visits approved so I can see how the hip is doing and what I can do to move forward though.

consultations

After speaking to Dr. A yesterday, I tried ringing my internist Dr. Rosen. She was out so I sent her an email. I love technology. She rang me back this morning. It's good to have a doctor you know for so long and knows all your intricacies. She doesn't feel I should necessarily have the colonoscopy before since there is an infection to begin with, so that was good news and I'm happy to go with that theory. I really wasn't in the mood to have to go through that right now as well.
I also had asked her about my previous colonoscopy. I couldn't remember when it was, but it was way back in 1994! Another good thing about keeping the same doctor, they have all your records! It showed a little inflammation (colitis) but was non-specific and not something anyone was concerned with. I had been going through a lot then and having tons of tests so she wasn't thinking it meant much, even in hindsight. That' a relief. I am totally stressing about going to Dr. A's later though.

On a hip note, I've done a lot of walking the last four days and today my right hip is telling me to stop it. But still, it's a lot more then I've done in a long time, so I'm looking at it as progress. :-)

PS- I've just decided I'm throwing on a lido patch on the right hip - I can't deal with anymore pain!!!

Recap & 36 Week Post-op

So the test run in Tampa went fairly well. My right hip was pretty amazing, especially since I have not been in the pool for two weeks! Unfortunately my left hip has really been hurting the last couple of days. I do not even want to consider what we may need to do at this point. I mentally can not handle the idea of another surgery, at least not presently.

So, we did a lot of walking around mixed with driving every day. I think the most walking I did though was on Thursday. I am definitely happy that the right hip did so well. I was also shooting with my Hasselblad so was bending over and kneeling more than I have in a long time. I was a bit sore but nothing too bad. It helped that I iced it after the long walk on Thursday.

My wrists were a different story. My left was hurting from using the H and my right, well, it just doesn't like me anymore and constantly likes to hurt me. Another surgery I'm not ready to contemplate, so we will pretend it's all fine. Jeepers, I feel like Humpty Dumpty!

There was a message on my VM at work from Friday from someone at the Clinical Appeals Department at Oxford. I rang her back but she wasn't there. Can't wait to hear what she says. I guess they received my letter from last week!

It's good to be home though. Florida is nice, but for a visit. I could never live there. I am definitely a city girl!

PS-I've added some photos from the trip on my Flickr site :-)

Rain

It seems that no matter where I go, the rain follows. At least lately! So, what can be said for Tampa other that it's rainy and close? Oh yes, the sewage reeks! I mean, stinks to high hell! But other than that I had a lovely walk this morning. Wish I had my pedometer so I can see how far I went without my hip flipping out. It was a good test. I did some shooting along the way, so working out my eyes as well as my hip :-) I miss playing with my Hasselblad! It felt great to have it in my hands again.

I am keeping this brief because:
1) it's 12.30 and I still haven't eaten anything so should feed
2)I am thinking I should really ice my hip - just in case!

:-)

It's just like Lynette (DH) said...

"because I've had a rough few months...I don't understand, and I need to".

So true. But at the same time, one has to give up the idea and realise there isn't always an answer.

Meanwhile...I walked home again today and no pain!!! At least so far!

And I booked my holiday. It's so needed and I'm so excited. I have realised that whilst I don't have certain things that I would like in my life, I have a lot, and for that I am very grateful.

"Faith is a belief in something that cannot be proven. We all want to believe in those that we are closest to. But where there is doubt, our faith begins to vanish and fear rushes in to take its place."

Truer words could not be spoken.

But being as though I am constantly working to be a better and more understanding and forgiving person, and accept that all things happen for a reason, which may not be explained or understood now, I take this prayer to heart and repeat it:

"Master of the Universe, I hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or who sinned against me; whether against my body, my property, my honour or against anything of mine; whether he/she did so accidentally, willfully, carelessly or purposely...may no one be punished because of me. May it be Your will my G-d and the G-d of my forefathers that I never again anger you, that I shall not do what is evil in your eyes. Whatever sins I have done before You, may You blot out in Your abundant mercies".

Amen

I have kept that prayer next to my bedside for many years, and occasionally forget to read it. It has a great affect on me though when I do.

So that's about it for me now. I've ordered all my food which will be delivered tomorrow, and even though I'm making Seder on Saturday, chose to meet a friend out on Friday, because really, friends and family are the most important things, and how often do you really get to spend time with those you care about.

I wish you all a happy Pesach.

Pesach

Pesach, or Passover, is a major holiday in Jewish tradition, and is one of the three pilgrimage holidays, along with Sukkot and Shavuot. These are the holidays on which the whole Jewish people would come to Jerusalem in ancient times, when the Holy Temple was there, and would offer animal and grain sacrifices. Since the destruction of the Temple, a few of the holiday traditions have been retained, without the pilgrimage and the sacrifices, and many new traditions have been added. Pesach, which starts on the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Nisan (usually in April), lasts for seven days and is celebrated to commemorate the exodus from Egypt - one of the main stories in the history of the Jewish people and in western culture in general. According to the Torah, the Israelites lived in Egypt, and were enslaved by the Egyptians. Moshe (Moses), an Israelite who grew up in the palace of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, became a leader of the Israelites and asked Pharaoh to allow them to return to the Land of Israel. When Pharaoh refused, Moshe led a campaign that culminated in his people’s hurried departure from Egypt, toward the Sinai desert, where they lived for 40 years. According to Jewish tradition, during this long journey in the desert, led by Moshe and his brother Aharon, the Israelites became a united people as they prepared to conquer the Land of Israel. Pesach is also called the holiday of Freedom, and this aspect of the holiday is emphasized in the rituals and prayers: the exodus from slavery to freedom symbolizes physical and spiritual redemption and man’s aspiration to be free. Another important element of this holiday is family togetherness. On the eve of the holiday, called Seder night, due to the ceremonial Seder meal that is celebrated that evening, whole extended families gather around one table. It is also an important Jewish precept to invite others who have no family with whom to celebrate the holiday. Another name for Pesach is the holiday of Unleavened Bread. The story of the exodus from Egypt relates that the Israelites left Egypt hurriedly and the dough they had prepared had no time to rise, so they baked it into matzah, unleavened bread. One of the important precepts of this holiday is the abstinence from eating leaven - any baked goods prepared with flour and allowed to rise, or prepared foods containing flour. Instead of bread, Jews eat matzah. Religious (and traditional) Jews observe this aspect of the holiday meticulously. One more name for Pesach is the holiday of Spring, marking the season in which Pesach is celebrated. The first day of the holiday, as well as the last day (which is known as the “second holiday”) are holy rest days, on which all productive work is forbidden. The intermediate days are called Chol ha-Mo’ed, and are part-holiday, part-regular days.

long walk home

I just walked from 52nd and Park to 85th and First.  Without limping!

Time to go ice for a long while...

After a long weekend

I think I did more running around this weekend than I have in a long time.
I do feel a little sore in the right hip but not too bad, but my knees are killing me.
Yesterday we went to the Jazz brunch at one of my favourite restaurants in midtown - Le Bateau Ivre. It always makes me feel like I'm back in France. Although for some reason in the winter it always seems too cold in there.
After that we headed downtown for some shopping and just wandered around Soho for a bit. Out of nowhere the clouds started to get very dark and it started snowing! It kept getting worse so we decided to go somewhere and just get a bottle of wine and relax, but came back uptown just to make sure we were not stranded in case the weather got worse. We ended up at another of my fav places, Uva. I love this place, we just hung out reading the times and relaxing for a long time. After all the walking earlier it was good to just sit for so long.

I am pretty happy with how well I held up. Can't say I could manage hiking in Europe quite yet, but I'm hoping it won't be too long before I can get going again.

Holding up

Yesterday I made it to the pool. I was definitely sore afterwards but we stopped for some brunch on the way home and I didn't notice it till we started walking afterwards. It was a bit rough going. I had been planning on icing it after I showered and dressed but time was limited as my parents showed up and we all went to the theatre. I was wishing I had thrown a patch on the hip to deal with all that sitting for long a period.

We first stopped off to get tickets for another show. We ended up taking a cab from my place as I had decided my hip would be the better for it, and since there were four of us I didn't feel too environmentally unconscious. We walked from that theatre to the other, which was not too bad.

The AA theatre might be redone but who doesn't put aisles anywhere in the mezzanine except at the ends? We had wonderful centre mezzanine seats, but once you finally got to the seat there was no way to escape (or go to the loo, or stretch and walk, etc). Because of this I was regretting not putting on a lidocaine patch before getting to the seat, though I didn't realise I would need one until I sat down. I did survive though and the good thing about the theatre is they have a lift, so I didn't have to climb a ton of stairs. BTW - I highly recommend "The 39 Steps". It's very amusing and funny.

Afterwards we went to the "only Scottish restaurant/bar" in NYC. At least that's what it says out front. I love this place, and it's been ages since I've been plus it was keeping with the theme of the play, or at least the locale. After spending some time in there, we took the bus up from midtown - I was still trying to avoid the stairs anyway I could. It was a much better result I believe. The rest of the night we stayed local so not a lot of walking which was good. I feel pretty good today, and am hoping (touch wood) it holds up.

sore

Last night after having a lovely dinner at Gavroche (highly recommend this place, it was delicious!) and half a bottle of wine, I thought I was superwoman again. So we walked around and around until we found a bar we liked that wasn't too crowded. We stopped into a nice little pub and we were going to leave after using the facilities but then some guys started talking to us and next thing I know I've been standing for a couple of hours. I finally had the chutzpah to ask one of the guys for his bar stool. So now I am sore, but because I missed the pool on Thursday I feel the need to go. That and yesterday was the first time I ate three meals in ages and I feel like a beached whale! So, off I go. Fingers crossed that this is a good thing. My hamstrings are SO tight from earlier this week so will be stretching those as much as possible.

Weekend Update

Friday night went relatively well. I was okay with the boots for the most part of the day but in the evening ended up standing for a while which killed my feet. Thankfully the hips weren't too bad, and after a while we went to a lounge and just vegged on the couches which was a welcome respite for the legs.

Saturday I had to get motivated and felt well enough to try the pool. I ended up walking there against my better judgement because I had to stop off at the post office on the way. I spent about 20 minutes in the pool doing walking, some kicking with the kickboard (which seemed to irritated my knee bursitis) and some leg lifts. It felt great to be back in the water, and I had to restrain myself from doing too much, as I just wanted to start doing laps like my old self.

After the pool I walked home and was definitely sore, especially on the right side, so iced when I got home. That seemed to help a lot. I went down to Union Square to meet my friend at the B&N for a late lunch at a cute place nearby - it was a restaurant/wine bar - and pretty cool inside. Saturday night I went out to a party and wore boots again, but thankfully I ended up sitting most of the time so the hips were happy.

Yesterday I went out to the island to see my family, and especially my little nephew. I figure if I am suffering today at all it will be a combination from playing with him (he LOVES it when you swing him back and forth and chase after him) and the crappy weather we are having. My ankle did go out when I was running after him so that was not good, I know I'm not meant to do that, but how can you resist an adorable three year old?

I have PT again tonight, then dinner plans after, so a long day, but am planning on going swimming again tomorrow. Baby steps...

I love my lidocaine patches!

This weekend went fairly smoothly. Getting to the airport was pretty easy and I was fortunate that I did not have to wait long for the train or bus. (Btw - I never knew there was a HUGE Pathmark at 125th and Lex. It's enormous!) Thankfully the traffic was moving well too and I made it door to door in under an hour.
I walked in the terminal, seemed like a hassle to have to explain about needing a wheelchair since the gates were not too far from the security.

Saturday my mother and I went down to the Corcoran. We took the metro - interesting people on the metro these days - and it was only about a half hour journey. It was FREEZING out though. The walk to the gallery was a bit longer than I had anticipated. Thankfully I had put a lidocaine patch on my left hip as a preventive measure. I'm getting pretty clever at this point - took me long enough!

I brought my digital automatic camera with me and was having fun taking shots all around, even though we were as cold as icebergs on the north pole.
Thankfully we made it to the exhibit before the masses and did not have to queue up for too long (The line that existed when we left went around and around the whole building - madness!). The exhibit was quite large, about 150 photographs I believe. I was definitely getting worn out by the end of it and craving a seat. But it was so worth it. It reminded me of why I love photography so much, and how much I miss shooting black and white especially. I am now very determined to try to get a Mac with lots of memory and good printer and scanner for my 2 1/4 negs so I can truly get to work on my pictures. It's been way too long since I've focused on my art, and lord knows I have to start cataloging and doing something with it at. (If anyone wins the lottery and feels like donating to the cause, you know where to reach me :-)

Afterwards we stopped for lunch - my mother insisting on eating, and I was happy to sit as well. My right side did hold up fairly well though so no complaints there. I was a bit sore on the metro on the way back but thankfully we were able to get seats after a few stops and that definitely helped.

For the party that night I threw on a lidocaine patch on my right hip just to make sure I didn't have to suffer all night in case it flared up. After standing for a while I had to sit down and take the pressure off. But all in all it was ok.

Tonight I have PT for the first time since the 16th! I think it might have helped a bit to have a slight break though, since the hips were all irritated. We shall see how it goes tonight. I am planning on still going on the easier side as I don't want a repeat.

Weekend plans

This weekend is going to be a bit of a challenge, but I'm up for it. On one hand I know I'm meant to limit myself, but there has to be a limit to limiting ones self right?

I am off to DC for a close friend/practically family members' 80th surprise do. I am planning on taking the subway and the bus to the airport. I know this will be a little more strenuous but the timing is such that rush hour in a cab may be worse. Taking the shuttle so shouldn't be too much walking in the airport. Since I'm not eating much at the moment I can just go to the one area and wait. Usually I do my rounds at the shops and restaurants but that is at a different end, so will pass this time which will work out well for my hip methinks.

Tomorrow I am planning on going into DC from where we are staying in Maryland to see the Ansel Adams exhibit at the Corcoran - good timing as it closes on Sunday. We're going to take the metro in so more walking than if we had a car, but I will try to limit it as much as possible. I think I did pretty well at the MET last week so hoping this goes well. My main thing is to remember not to walk very fast. I was in my past incarnation a very speedy walker, so it's hard to go slow, even though I know it's better for me. It takes a very conscious effort.

I haven't taken the anti-inflammatories in a couple of days as you're not really meant to mix it with alcohol and to be honest the last few days my friends have taken me out for distraction and with that inevitably comes the drink. Such is the life of a single city girl. :-) And anyway, I don't think the drugs were helping much either.

Sunday will be pretty motionless as my cousin is coming over to my aunt and uncles for lunch before we leave for the airport, and then the return flight. I am hoping because this flight is so short I won't flare up like I did on the flights to London.

Fingers crossed!

I did it...

Not sure yet if it was the best idea, but we did make it to the MET today. I am glad I went as there was a Lee Friedlander exhibit that I hadn't even known about which was good, and their new "Depth of Field" which was OK. I guess it is good for a general intro into photography. Reminded me of my intro to photo classes I took at university. But still, glad I saw it.

I did put on a lidocaine patch on my left hip before we left. I was OK walking around. After the photo exhibits we went to the cafeteria for lunch and then my dad wanted to go back and see the impressionists. Thankfully they had benches in a lot of the galleries so I was able to sit whilst my parents looked around.

My left hip is definitely acting up and quite sore but, touch wood, my right hip hasn't acted up. At least not yet...

9 week post-op

I cannot believe it's been just over nine weeks since surgery, and six weeks since I've been back at work. Where does the time go?

I am learning that slow and steady does seem to be the key for me, though my patience level is barely existent. On Monday I told the PT dude that after last weeks workout with the (only 1 lb!) weight on my left leg, my left hip hurt for days. I said I thought it was the isometric side and back leg lifts and he agreed. This time I did those leg lifts sans weight and it seemed ok, so I'm thinking it was exactly that. My right side we did 1 lb weight for the leg lifts and it seems ok. For the leg lifts with the stim (on the right side) we are still using the bolster and did 3 lbs on the left and 6 lbs on the right. Slow and shaky at first but eventually it got smoother.

The good news is I was told I can start walking short distances sans crutches. He suggested that I can try to go to the corner store, but if I'm running around to bring it with me in case I get tired or sore. The main thing is to not irritate and cause inflammation in the joint. I was hoping to be off the crutches by yesterday, that was my goal, but I supposed this is a compromise I can (or rather will have to) live with. My new goal is to be completely off them by 28th of December, when I leave for London. I really do not want to have to bring this blasted thing with me. I will try to be better about PT as well, as with all the other insanity going on like my nightmare root canal, I became quite lax about it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

One step forward, two steps back

At least that is what it feels like at times. I have slept the last two nights but only because I've taken my "magic" pills. I am trying to get as much sleep as possible to get ready for next week.

My mother and I did a 'test run' to the office on Friday. I was originally going to do it during rush hour, but since I hadn't slept that night and was so sick from the pain killers, it was delayed for a few hours. We ended up leaving about 12.10 pm from the flat. I had to walk one block to the crosstown bus, take that to 6 long blocks to the Park, and then switch to a downtown bus. There was a lot of traffic from road works. We finally reached my stop, got off and walked a block and a half to the office. The whole trip took over an hour. I was pretty wiped out when we got to the office, but at least I made it. I waited there for a bit to see one of my coworkers who was out to lunch, and also thought to ring Dr. Kelly's office to see if they had the surgical report yet. After a couple of calls they finally faxed it to me. I will see if I can post it as the PDF or will have to retype it all. I was also extremely relieved to find out that my bosses will be out on Monday and that M arranged for me to work from home. It felt like a stay of execution - not that work is horrid, just getting there at present is quite a workout.

After we left the office we stopped to get something to eat, I had just a little as I was still queasy from the pain meds, and then we took the bus up Madison. It was not even rush hour but the bus, when it finally did show up, was absolutely packed. No matter when I take this bus line it seems to always be delayed and always be packed like a sardine can. I had to ask a not very happy looking girl to get up so I could sit down. Unfortunately my mother had to stand and I felt so bad, she was getting jostled all about. Some woman decided to step on my right foot with all of her weight for a minute or so, she seriously wouldn't move, put all of her weight on it, till I finally let out with an expletive! My toe throbbed for over an hour. It's like constantly getting beat up, no matter how hard you try.

Yesterday was a bit of a late start, but we didn't have any place to go so it was ok. I had some pictures from my Gran's flat that we needed to hang so we did that. A friend was meant to come by but never heard from her so we went across the street to Starbucks and sat outside for a couple of hours, then I tried to walk around a little bit. I am still wearing my brace as I feel much more secure with it and the doctor told me that I should wear it as long as I feel so. We ended up going to a German restaurant near me, and even though it was early the place was very crowded as it is Oktoberfest. It was pretty good but very expensive. And it also delayed my return to my flat. I normally love my flat but am so tired of it.

Think I will go eat some breaky and do my PT. I have to go shopping later to get lunch supplies for the week also. My mother is going home today and I am stressed about that. She has been a life saver these last few weeks. I wish I had some dosh so I could send her on a well deserved and earned holiday, this year has been rough for her, not even including my surgery. I should start playing the lottery! My friend T is meant to stay with me tonight and for at least part of the week, so I won't be completely alone which is good. I am getting around better in the house but I still feel better if someone is around for the time being. It's all so stressful.

On one other note, this has been a very difficult recovery, not just the hip itself, but all of my other body issues (hands, shoulders, etc). I would like to thank those people who spent time with me. Even a brief visit was such a welcome break from the monotony of this slow recovery - so just wanted to say thank you.

Just can't get the hang of it

Sleeping that is. I took one of my "magic pills" on Friday night and I actually slept through the night. Well, sort of. At least when I would wake up and shift positions I passed out straight away. Unfortunately that magic didn't work quite as well last night.

Yesterday was a big one. There was an Oktoberfest around the corner from my flat, just one block mind, so I thought it would be nice to go out and test the walking. I was okay getting to the end of the block, but after stopping for a slice, I was wiped out and getting back home was beyond a challenge. The hip wasn't too bad, but the left hip was hurting like hell and I thought my hands were going to fall off. I iced all four when I got home for a bit before we left for the island. I must have been exhausted because I slept most of the ride out there and then for another hour or so when I got home. Perhaps that is why I didn't sleep too well last night.

My mother just got back so I suppose I must get myself sorted with a shower, PT, etc. so I am signing off for now.

Quick PT update

I had PT today at 2 pm. My hip was really starting to hurt beforehand so I ended up taking a pain killer. I can't wait till I can stop so I will be able to finally enjoy a lovely glass of wine.

We cabbed it to PT and the drive surprisingly did not take too long (we thought it might with all the big shots at the UN this week). I have been walking better and definitely much improved in moving around since a week ago, and the boys at PT noticed. This of course meant that they had to go and give me harder things to do. I was amazed at how much more I was able to tolerate this week, it being only a week. My left hip has been popping on the outside a lot when I walk on crutches, so I've been trying to move without it doing this by taking smaller strides with my left leg. I started today with the bike, and was to do it between 10 and 20 minutes, as much as I could tolerate. By minute 9 I was buggered and both hips were hurting but I kept going till minute 13. Probably should have just stopped at 9 but I was trying to push through it. After that I was given a few new moves, such as turning my leg on a chair to stretch it out and kneeling on all fours then going to a squat position. I wasn't able to do a complete squat but was told that I was doing better than anticipated. I am sort of the "guinea pig" at the PT office since I have so many things wrong, they are always having to come up with new ways for me to do their exercises that will not hurt me more than help me. It always seems to be slightly comical. After that I did all the other exercises from last week and then iced for 10 minutes. I was there in total for almost 2 hours. I told my PT that all the time I banked before surgery should somehow be able to cancel all this out and I should have been able to walk out of the operating room in perfect condition. I know it's not possible but it's a bit old and tiring that I've been in PT since the end of December and now have at least another three months of it to "look forward to". ARGH. Sorry for the whinging, they are all very nice there, but it does get redundant after a while.

After we left the cabs were all off duty already, so we rang a car service to pick us up. This was much more civilised and definitely easier on my legs than last weeks nightmare of trying to get home during rush hour. I also made next weeks appointment for earlier in the day so hopefully we will not have any trouble finding a cab after the session.

I am knackered so will say good night here.