from diagnosis through surgery for FAI, labral tear, psoas release, as well as fibromyalgia and EDS (ehlers danlos / hypermobility syndrome) - and not lets forget the bad hands/wrists! Additional information regarding dealing with a peri-rectal abscess which then turned into a fistula. Currently I'm trying to sort out my neck and upper back as I have been diagnosed with stenosis, and herniated and bulging discs in my cervical spine.
28 April, 2008
Post - weekend update
I walked quite a bit on Saturday, trying to see how I would do. I thought I did pretty well for the amount of walking I did. I pushed myself at the pool yesterday. Have been trying to walk faster and also added arm exercises. My back and shoulders are so sore today. I don't mind being a bit sore, just wish my whole body didn't ache so much today. Sadly I don't think there is one part of me that doesn't hurt. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
I had totally forgotten I had an appointment with the rheumatologist today. Thankfully I looked in my calendar and saw it. I hope she doesn't get mad that I am still only taking one Mobic per day. I just don't see the reason to take two as one is destroying my stomach, and I've been taking two acid-reflux pills a day to try to help. I also hope she doesn't examine me physically, because if someone touched me right now I might have to kill them. Ok, maybe not kill - permanently maim perhaps?
I am going to the NYPL tonight for another function. A friend invited me to some readings that are to be done by Ethan Hawke and others. I'm not a huge EH fan, but he was decent in "The Coast of Utopia" last year. Should be good though I hope I'm feeling better before that. Perhaps I can get a nap squeezed in somehow.
My right hand/wrist is a mess - even with wearing this bloody splint every night. I am dreading the thought of surgery - I know I've probably said this before - but will put it off as long as possible. I'm so over the medical profession.
I sent an email to the PT people today to see if they a) did ever get the letter off, b) if the insurance co actually received it this time and c) if there was anything else they suggest doing in the pool. Hopefully I will hear back with some (touch wood) good news.
25 April, 2008
Working it
I did ice my hips when I got home last night, but that didn't seem to matter to the left. It was okay initially but later on started to hurt a lot again. Just when you are thinking it's better because you're not compensating as much with it - bam! Oh well. What can you do? I will have to just be careful but keep up the exercise with it as well, as I have been doing.
Hand/wrist also has not been happy the last few days. I'm dreading the surgery so will pretend it is fine for now.
Will be going to the pool this weekend, working on my website and tonight taking it easy as I have a date :-) Enjoy your weekend! I'm hoping the weather people have got the forecast all wrong!
24 April, 2008
???
I'm baffled.
Thankfully the right isn't too bad, just a bit achy, but think it was from wearing high heels yesterday? Perhaps that's why the left is not happy either? Well, going to the heated PT pool tonight and we'll see how that goes.
It's also my day for the chiro/massage dr - sooooo happy about that!
Four weeks till my holiday!!! I can't wait! (I'm not counting down or anything ;-) )
23 April, 2008
7 months +
I went to the pool yesterday. I couldn't believe the queue! I thought (or rather hoped) less people would be there because it was nice outside. My mistake! After waiting half an hour I begged the instructor who was using a whole lane to teach a guy how to swim if I could use the end he wasn't - as they were only at the top bit. He was nice and said yes, so I was able to save some time and do my legs exercises. Then when I needed to walk he had another student but was kind and let me stay in one corner so I just walked in circles for about 15 minutes. Hardly exciting but the only other choice was to bale - not really an option. I was pretty sore when I got home so I iced for a while. Not too bad after and today feels pretty good.
Still haven't heard back from the insurance company about my appeal. I'm getting a bit worried. Think I will send another email to the PT people to see if they've heard. Such fun.
21 April, 2008
Overdid it a bit.
So, Saturday night/v. early Sunday am I went to bed exhausted, but still couldn't fall asleep for ages. Then I woke up at 8.45am yesterday! I had a busy and tiring day digging through lots of boxes in my parents basement looking for binders of negatives I had. Sure enough there was one box I left out because the writing on it implied it had nothing to do with me. I decided to go back down there and dig through there - and sure enough all of my negs were there! Never fails, everything is always in the last place you look! Quite a workout though and my right shoulder is especially not happy. But again, worth it!
Yesterday I threw on a lidocaine patch on the right hip because all the standing and cooking over the weekend and cleaning all last week made it a v. unhappy camper. It definitely helped get me through the rest of the night though. Seder at my parents was fun too and didn't get home till about half eleven. I think I was overtired as I again had trouble sleeping. Will sort that out tonight with a lovely pill and praying it works so I can sleep through the night. Still taking only one 7.5mg of Mobic a day, but have had to up the dosage on my acid reflux meds as the Mobic is playing havoc with my stomach.
So, even though I pushed my body to the limits this weekend, and I'm pretty damned achy and in pain, I'm not nearly as bad w/ the hip as I'd have thought. Extremely happy about that. Perhaps not having PT to go to is helping more than doing it? I've still been doing the pool, and will have to pick up again this week what I skipped last week for sheer lack of time and energy. But tomorrow. Today is a rest day, well, other than having to be at work :-)
20 April, 2008
Seder
Need sleep desperately, as last night was out with friends and being slightly misbehaving. Haven't done that in a while, but it was refreshing to know I still had it in me :-)
I'm hoping I can get through the night sans pain.
18 April, 2008
Musings of the philosophical mind
Happy Pesach!
These are from the wisdom of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Schneerson; words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
88. Congratulations
You cannot blame yourself, never mind persecute yourself for how you feel. But you can rejoice in the battle of controlling and sublimating those feelings.
Every small victory within yourself is a major triumph over the darkness of this world. Indeed, this is why this darkness was placed within you, in order that you may transform it into great light.
89. Consent
This is how that darkness within us finds its way out: First it agrees with everything good we do.
When we choose to meditate, it tells us, “Yes! Meditate! That way you will become a great sage!”
When we choose to do a good deed, it says,“Yes! You are so wonderful! Think what others will do in return for this!”
Slowly, slowly, it convinces us that any good we do requires its approval. And then, you’ve fallen into its trap.
Do good without reason. Then there are no traps.
93. Not the Body
Remember you are not the body. Neither are you the animal that pounds within the body, demanding its way in every thing. You are a G-dly soul.
Do not confuse the pain and struggle of the body with the joy and purity of the G-dly soul.
103. Despair
Despair is the ultimate form of self-worship --the perception that you have the capacity to truly mess up, to take the world's destiny out of its Creator's hands and sabotage His plans.
Know that the world is in a constant state of elevation, rocketing upwards towards its ultimate wholeness at every moment. Every quivering of every leaf, every subtle breeze, every slightest motion of any particle of our universe is another move in that same direction. Even those events that seem to thrust downward are in truth only a part of the ascent --like the poise of an athlete before he leaps, the contraction of a spring before its energy is released.
There is not a thing you could do halt that dynamic even for a moment. True, you must take responsibility for your deeds and work hard, very hard, to clean up your own mess. But when all the dust settles, you are exactly in the space where you were meant to be: One step closer.
123. Friendly Hardships
Hardships in life are the material world’s way of beckoning to you, “Purify me! Elevate me!” They come to you knowing you can overcome them, and thereby they will fulfill their purpose of being.
132. Not if, But How
Sometimes it may appear that there is a place where, according to all considerations, G-dliness can’t come. An obstacle that prevents you from accomplishing something beneficial. A friend who cannot be approached to help do a favor. A gathering of people that seems meaningless.
The appropriate thing to do in such a situation is to throw out all considerations and just do. Your job is not to determine if and where. Your job is to determine how. Do, and you will see miracles.
154. Subliminal Surrender
Self-surrender doesn't mean jumping off a bridge.Self surrender means surrendering the self. Putting aside the "I want," the "I need," the "I think such-and-such." Even the "I am."
Self-surrender is the subliminal drive behind all authentically good deeds. But as the world becomes more materialistic and the challenges greater, that self-surrender can no longer stay so subliminal.
165. Leaving Egypt
The biblical slavery of Egypt represents bondage to your own self.
Every day, every moment, must be an exodus from the self.
If you’re not leaving Egypt, you’re already back there.
172. Ego Dieting
Doing good is not about being nice.
You can do nice things all day long for many people, but it could be all just more service of your own self, food for your own ego.
The world was designed so people would need each other, not so you could be nice, but to give you the opportunity to escape the confines of your own self.
When you help those who show gratitude, when you lend a hand to those who are on your side, you are still within the realm of your own ego and self.
Help someone you don't want to help. Help him and learn to want to help him --only because this is the right thing to do.
At first, it may not feel so rewarding. But you have sprung free.
174. Free Love
There are people who believe they are doing good by swallowing other's egos alive. The egos of those they cannot help, and of those who cannot help them, are inedible to them --and therefore intolerable. They cannot work with others --because their egos leave no space for "others"--only for those extensions of their own inflated selves that show they need them, or for those whom they need.
You don't love your neighbor to glorify your own ego. When you come to your sister or brother's aid, leave your own self behind. Love with self-sacrifice.
182. Small & Infinite
Make yourself small and you will be great.
Know you are nothing and you will be infinite.
At the very least, don't make such a big deal of yourself and you will be all that much closer to the truth.
185. Fools
To fool the world is one thing,but to fool yourself is no big deal.
You’re a fool for wanting to fool yourself--and anyone can fool a fool.
(from the sayings of Rabbi Shmuel of Lubavitch)
241. Humble Compassion
There is compassion that feeds the ego and there is compassion that humbles it.
Compassion that feeds the ego is a sense of pity for those who stand beneath you.
Compassion that humbles is born of a deeper understanding of the order of things:
When you understand that your fellow man is suffering in order that you may be privileged to help him--then you are truly humbled.
16 April, 2008
It's just like Lynette (DH) said...
Pesach |
|
Pesach, or Passover, is a major holiday in Jewish tradition, and is one of the three pilgrimage holidays, along with Sukkot and Shavuot. These are the holidays on which the whole Jewish people would come to
Another name for Pesach is the holiday of Unleavened Bread. The story of the exodus from
|
14 April, 2008
I made it
Guess I finally pushed it too far.
UPDATE: 4 hours later and hip is wanting lidocaine. Uh oh.
Busy me
Friday I went to the gym at lunch. I did about 20 minutes on the bike and then 30 leg presses. I felt pretty good with that. After work I stopped at the bookshop to see if they had a good book on CSS. There is actually a limit to the information you can find on the Internet! Who knew??? Anyway, of course the section I needed was on the bottom, so I was squatting for a long time. Well it seemed like a long time when your right hip doesn't like to be in that position. But I muddled through, and did find a good book. At least that's what the checkout dude implied when he said it was the book he is using as a textbook for class. So far it does seem pretty good though. Hopefully it will help me with the one area I can't seem to suss out. Anyway, afterwards I think I iced for a bit and then decided it was time to clean the pantry. That took a while, but it was so needed. I disposed of many things I didn't even realise I had buried in there. Every year right before Pesach I do a mass cleaning of the pantry and kitchen. I decided my hip had been through enough in one day and would start on the kitchen the next morning.
Accordingly my body woke me up early, I guess it was very motivated! I cleaned that kitchen for over 2 hours and still wasn't done. If you saw the size of my kitchen you wouldn't believe me! I had to take a break to ice my various body parts. Then it was back to work. It definitely was my workout for the day. Afterwards I dusted the whole flat as well. I just have to do the bathroom. Been putting that off because it will be a whole night ordeal. Being a Virgo when I get started on something it has to be very thorough. It has its good and bad quirks to it. Saturday night my ice and I relaxed and took it easy. We deserved it! Though my body for some reason thought otherwise and didn't let me have a proper sleep!
Sunday I just was too sore to start doing the bathroom, so decided to start reading my new HTML/CSS book. I read through a few chapters, then decided to go to the pool. It was heaven at first as no one else was in the pool for the first half of my workout. No splashing, loud noises, nothing. Pure heaven and so relaxing. I was trying to push it a bit with the walking. It's hard to walk fast in the water but I tried more than usual. I wanted to see how much I could push the hips. After I was a bit sore, but went home and iced like a good girl. Was still achy but the weather was also a bit crap so that wasn't helping.
So that leaves today. I didn't go to the gym as I thought I should take it easy, however that decision didn't last too long as now I've decided I should try to walk home and see how it goes. I still have to figure out part of the menu for Saturday, and order the groceries, but think the walk should be good.
11 April, 2008
Exercise
Anyway, the hips felt reasonably okay for most of it. At one point the right was not happy but thankfully it calmed down. After I went to meet a friend at Uva for some bevvies, so didn't get to ice, but still seemed okay. Today I went at lunch to do the bike and the leg press. So far so good.
Ok, back to sussing out CSS tables and such. This has been keeping me v. busy lately. Just when I think I've grasped it, there's a curve ball lined up. But I think I've got a good general idea of the basics so at least it's making more sense to me now. And it will be good to know so when I do get a program like Dreamweaver or such I will understand how to tweak what I want done. Still waiting for my scanner, but have found an alternative source so fingers crossed I will have it from there in the not-too-distant future. When I do get the site sorted I will post the address. So between this and cleaning the flat for Pesach and coming up with a menu for next weeks Seder, I will be having a v. busy weekend!
10 April, 2008
Not sure
I sent the PT people an email on the 7th asking if they'd sent the letter to my insurance company but still haven't heard anything back from them. Hmph!
But on the brighter side of life - I am discovering that some of my trousers that hadn't been fitting last year are now fitting - some good comes out of everything! :-)
08 April, 2008
Pool=
After I left the gym and was walking home my right hip went nuts! Thought I was going to have to roll down the hill into a taxi. Thankfully it seemed to wear off but iced when I got home b/c it is definitely sore. And my right knee is acting all swollen.
It's fun being me!
07 April, 2008
So far...
Anyway, felt so-so this weekend. Achy but not as bad as last Wed-Fri. My shoulder has been popping around like it was, well, I can't really compare it to anything. Nothing else I know quite pops like it does. Sleep has been crap, even with the magic pills. I am afraid to think that they've stopped working. Then again I've a lot on my mind with this website design stuff and trying to locate all my negs from university. Where could they have gone? I am going to dig up my mothers basement next week when I'm home. Even though I've looked everywhere I could think of, I will have to do it again. Stress! Anyway, getting back to el crappo body. Today achy, random knee, hip, hand alternating but could be the weather/sleep/stress combo. I did take another Mobic today, and will take one Tylenol in a bit.
Went to the gym at lunch and did 20 minutes on the bike, no tension, and then 30 leg presses with just 30lbs. I should go ice, totally forgot to when I got back. So we will see how that goes. Have been doing the bridges with the ball at home, and going to the pool (well, went on Friday and didn't make it over the weekend, but will go tomorrow.)
Still looking for a new body if anyone sees any for sale... :-)
Diversion
I highlighted my favourite bit :-)
From S&S by Jane Austen, Ch. 29:
"Bond Street, January. "MY DEAR MADAM,
"I have just had the honour of receiving your letter, for which I beg to return my sincere acknowledgments. I am much concerned to find there was anything in my behaviour last night that did not meet your approbation; and though I am quite at a loss to discover in what point I could be so unfortunate as to offend you, I entreat your forgiveness of what I can assure you to have been perfectly unintentional. I shall never reflect on my former acquaintance with your family in Devonshire without the most grateful pleasure, and flatter myself it will not be broken by any mistake or misapprehension of my actions. My esteem for your whole family is very sincere; but if I have been so unfortunate as to give rise to a belief of more than I felt, or meant to express, I shall reproach myself for not having been more guarded in my professions of that esteem. That I should ever have meant more you will allow to be impossible, when you understand that my affections have been long engaged elsewhere, and it will not be many weeks, I believe, before this engagement is fulfilled. It is with great regret that I obey your commands in returning the letters with which I have been honoured from you, and the lock of hair, which you so obligingly bestowed on me.
"I am, dear Madam, "Your most obedient "humble servant, "JOHN WILLOUGHBY."
With what indignation such a letter as this must be read by Miss Dashwood, may be imagined. Though aware, before she began it, that it must bring a confession of his inconstancy, and confirm their separation for ever, she was not aware that such language could be suffered to announce it; nor could she have supposed Willoughby capable of departing so far from the appearance of every honourable and delicate feeling--so far from the common decorum of a gentleman, as to send a letter so impudently cruel: a letter which, instead of bringing with his desire of a release any professions of regret, acknowledged no breach of faith, denied all peculiar affection whatever-- a letter of which every line was an insult, and which proclaimed its writer to be deep in hardened villainy.
She paused over it for some time with indignant astonishment; then read it again and again; but every perusal only served to increase her abhorrence of the man, and so bitter were her feelings against him, that she dared not trust herself to speak, lest she might wound Marianne still deeper by treating their disengagement, not as a loss to her of any possible good but as an escape from the worst and most irremediable of all evils, a connection, for life, with an unprincipled man, as a deliverance the most real, a blessing the most important."
06 April, 2008
Oops
I am still so not believing drugs are the end all!
04 April, 2008
update
That's it for now because I feel like my body has been run over by 10 mack trucks and I can barely move. If only I could stay home today. Or move to a warm, dry climate. That is getting more and more appealing by the second.
02 April, 2008
Topsy-Turvy
01 April, 2008
Argh! I'm sure it doesn't help that I've been working on my website like mad either. Too much computer = unhappy hand.
But just to share something much better - here is a v. recent snap of my adorable little nephew with a friend (he's in the front) :-)
Insurance companies
My PT said he'd submit an appeal and that I should get a note from the rheumatologist (sent her a fax and am awaiting a reply). I asked Dr. Kelly's office but was told that their letters for this do not apply (???) and they can't do anything "legal". Other ideas were mentioned but I won't even consider them except as a last resort. This is so bloody frustrating!
I've been going to the pool three times a week and since I didn't go to PT yesterday, I went home and did some with my exercise ball and weights. I will have to go to the gym for the bike and leg press. I was meant to go the pool today but was invited to an event at the New York Public Library. Very excited as I love libraries, books, anything like that really.
Other than all this stress, the weather is making me pretty achy, as well as my erratic sleep habits. I have been taking the Mobic since Saturday. One pill (7.5mg) once a day. I haven't felt any difference at all yet, but it's still early. I have an appointment next week to see my internist about the acid-reflux meds. So not happy about that but I don't have a choice, at least for the moment.